Project Thoughts (On the Giving of Blankets)

I’m giving out a blanket this week. Here’s a sample letter of what I’ll write in the card that will accompany the blanket.

Dear Baby Spark,

Welcome to the world! We’ve been waiting for you, little spark, but you must be tired from all the growing you’ve been doing. This blanket is made for you, to keep you warm while you grow even bigger. It’ll accompany you as you laugh and cry and learn to play.

This blanket is made for you, little spark, created with you in mind. There are wishes and kindnesses woven into it, which will wrap around you as you dream. Many adventures await you, little one. This blanket will shield you. Your parents will be happy to know it’s a good, machine-washable fabric. I know you don’t mean to make many messes, little one, but it’s hard at the beginning. I know that, you know that, let’s make this easier for them.

I look forward to knowing you as you grow, little spark. May your road be a long one, and your joys be many. May you rest peacefully and laugh merrily, and may your laugh lines be many. May this blanket soften with time, and come with you as you discover each and every wonder that this world has in store for you.

-Auntie Lucynda

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This is part of a series on yarncraft written for a nonfiction class at George Mason University. It's being crossposted here for archival reasons.

Original publish date: 16 October 2017, on bittyknittygritty.wordpress.com

Project Thoughts (Close-Knit)

How do you describe a community, held together by bonds of love and trust?

You call it close-knit.

A piece of knitting is a row of knots holding together the row of knots beneath it. Done correctly, those knots can’t come undone–each knot supports the knots around it, holds together its neighbors so they can’t come undone.

A dropped stitch produces a run–that knot undoes the knot below it undoes the knot below it undoes the knot below it. Runs are unsightly things in a careful stockinette, disruptive in a delicate seed, blatantly out of place in a carefully patterned lace. They’re not supposed to be there, because they’re evidence of a failure. With each run, the structure of the piece is compromised; if too many stitches run, you’ve just got strings in a messy tangle, not a smooth piece of cloth.

You can fix a run, if you catch it early enough, use a hook to darn your way back up the piece. It’s tedious work, and it never quite looks right, but it will keep the piece from falling apart. You could frog the whole piece, unravel it entirely and build it again stronger. You could use nail polish and seal the run so it can’t rip any further.

I didn’t write last week. I was reeling from a rip in our society, fearful for the family of someone I love deeply. Las Vegas was not just a tragedy, but a fucking shame, as the knots holding us together unravelled further. The shooter in Vegas was a run, a dropped stitch that unravelled fifty-odd lives and destabilized the knots around them. Our society wasn’t close-knit–it was frogging itself into a mess, and we’ve decided to let that run go.

You can deliberately set up a run, you know, for places where you want a ladder effect. You can make a mistake look intentional.

This isn’t a mistake that should look intentional.

I don’t have more to say, not this week, not last week. But someone needs to do something about the runs before we end up with a mess. Unless, of course, we’re already a mess and we’ve just got to cut our losses and start over.

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This is part of a series on yarncraft written for a nonfiction class at George Mason University. It's being crossposted here for archival reasons.

Original publish date: 10 October 2017, on bittyknittygritty.wordpress.com

Queer Kids and Soup Cans

This post was written as part of a nonfiction class at George Mason University and was initially posted as a page on bittyknittygritty.wordpress.com. I wrote an advice column pitch, and fellow classmates mocked up letters seeking advice, which I answered. Both the pitch and the answers are posted below.

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Queer kids and soup cans is an advice column for queer kids who worry about labels and identity in our constantly shifting world.  Send in your questions about identity and making yourself comfortable in your skin! Questions from parents and friends equally welcome, though queer kids asking for help will be triaged.

I know firsthand how hard it can be to sort through the tangle of words and labels and identities and to know what it means for you and the people around you. As an ace woman who previously thought she might be bisexual and whose friend group primarily consists of genderqueer and queer individuals, if I don’t know the answer I’ll know someone who will. I can help you find the resources I wished I had.

Labels are for soup cans and queer kids who need to know they’re not alone. Let’s figure out if you want a label, and what that label means to you. Most of all, let’s remember that we are in no way alone.

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Hey guys! This week we’re going to focus on gender identity. We received three letters about gender identification, and we’ve got a lot to dig into. As always, the resources at GenderJabber are amazing, and the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1 800 273 8255. Let’s get started!

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Dear Queer Kids and Soup Cans,
I am a straight 16-year-old girl who has a good friend who identifies as a man (she’s a girl). She (or is it he?) has changed her name from Charlotte to Charlie, and I am having a hard time thinking of her as a boy. Also, should I worry that she (I mean he) might become attracted to me, because I am straight. This is so complicated, and I am now avoiding him/her in the halls and ghosting her texts. Help me to handle this.
Sincerely,
Confused

Hey Confused! Thanks for writing in.

I can’t say for certain what pronouns Charlie prefers; you’ll have to ask Charlie themselves if they prefer the masculine pronouns (he/him), the feminine pronouns (she/her), or any of the neutrals (they/them, ze/zir). Whatever pronouns Charlie prefers is going to take a period of time to adjust to, so don’t feel bad if it takes awhile. When my friend Jazz was figuring out his gender pronouns, it took me about three months to reliably use the right pronoun every time. It didn’t matter that I got it right on the first try; What mattered was that I was consistently making an effort to be respectful of Jazz and who he always had been but never knew how to express.

Here’s the thing: it’s a common misconception that transgender individuals are putting on another gender like a second skin. In fact, it’s the other way around! Confused, you identify as a girl. Imagine going to school every day and the people around you insisting that you’re a boy, no matter how much you try to tell them otherwise. You know you’re a girl; you’ve always been a girl, but no one listens when you tell them that. That’s the situation Charlie is in now; Charlie is a boy and has always been a boy, but up until now everyone has been insisting that Charlie is Charlotte.

I want you to think about your relationship with Charlotte. You say you were good friends—you knew Charlotte well. Charlie isn’t a different person; Charlie has the same experiences Charlotte had, and Charlie still knew you as a friend.  Charlie trusted you enough to tell you about how Charlie wanted to be seen and treated. You mention a worry that Charlie will suddenly become attracted to you, now that Charlie identifies as male. If you weren’t worried about this before when you knew Charlie as Charlotte, I don’t think you should worry now. Charlie is still the person you knew. Are you attracted to every single guy you meet just because you’re straight? Probably not! It’ll be similar for Charlie.

Here’s the hard part: as a sixteen year old, you’re probably still in high school. I’m sorry to be giving you more homework on top of what you’ve already got, but I think it’ll help you and your friendship with Charlie.

• Talk to Charlie. Only Charlie can tell you how Charlie identifies, and how Charlie wants your friendship to be.
• Ask Charlie what pronouns Charlie wants to be used. Most people don’t find that insulting! It’s generally easier to tell someone once than to be consistently misgendered.
• Don’t ghost Charlie. At a time like this, Charlie is probably feeling isolated and hurt with friends who are leaving Charlie with no explanation. Ask your questions. Know that it’s going to be a little awkward. Don’t worry about Charlie being in love with you, or you falling in love with Charlie; that’s a question for a later time. Right now, Charlie needs a friend.
• Read this article from HuffPoUK. (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/09/11/friend-come-out-transgender-ten-important-tips_n_5804444.html) They phrase it a whole lot better than I could, and much more succinctly! Do your research, and seek out support groups and online resources; it helps so you can have educated conversations about the emotional rollercoaster I’m sure both you and Charlie are on at the moment!
• And most importantly: ask questions. Be kind. It’s okay to make mistakes while you muddle through this. The fact that you came here to ask for help is good: it means you value your relationship with Charlie enough to want to make an effort.

If you have any more questions, or if you want to come back and talk, I’ll be here. Good luck, Confused!

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Dear LN, 
I am a concerned Mother with a child who I feel is hiding something from me. My son and I have always had a great relationship, he has always come to me for anything and everything. He recently started have a lot of female friends around more often (it’s not uncommon for him to hang out more with girls than boys) but they are in the age that the girls he hangs out with have started to wear makeup. I have found makeup in his room and he says they are his friends but my other children have come to me and told me that my son is wearing makeup when I am not home. How do I approach my son about this topic? He has always been a bit more of the sensitive type of boy. Can you give me advice with how to approach him so I can better understand what he is going through?

Signed,
A Concerned Mother

Hi, Mother! Thanks for writing in.

There are a few different things I’d like to approach in this letter, consisting of gender, sexuality, and personal interests. All are good things to talk about, and I’m glad you reached out.

There are a lot of reasons someone might enjoy makeup. Your son could identify as your daughter instead; he could be a boy who likes makeup. There’s no real correlation between foundation and gender! I know a lot of girls who don’t like makeup at all, and a few guys who can apply eyeliner far better than I ever could. Yes, makeup is stereotypically female, but I think all of us could benefit from a little concealer in our acne-ridden teen years. (or, you know, acne-ridden entire lives, as some of us are discovering.)

I myself would have been very jarred if my parents sat me down and asked me outright if I liked girls when I was a teenager. I was still figuring myself out, and I wouldn’t have had a good answer for myself, much less in a way I was able to articulate to others. For now, he may be exploring his gender, or maybe he’s exploring an artistic side. He might not be ready to talk about it, or maybe he’s worried you might react poorly.

You can talk to your child about your own makeup routine, if that’s a route you’re comfortable with. My brother always enjoyed putting on a setting powder when I did my makeup, just because he liked being part of my morning routine. You could bring up celebrities you know who wear makeup—Adam Lambert and Brendan Urie come to mind (here’s a Billboard listicle of 20 rockstars who liked eyeliner; http://www.billboard.com/photos/6251652/guyliner-rock-stars-in-eyeliner-adam-lambert-prince-jared%20leto-vince-neil)! You could talk about gender equality and gender identity as a normal thing over family dinners. It sounds like he’s relatively young and I’m not sure when you might have had (or if you haven’t yet) had The Talk with him; that might be a good time to bring up the idea that gender and sexuality aren’t just black and white.

It sounds like you love your son a lot, and he loves you back. He might still be figuring himself out, but I’m sure he’ll talk to you when he’s ready. For now, be the loving mom I know you always have been. Let him know you love him in explicit words, and let him know there’s a whole world out there of people who are genderqueer or who like to break gender stereotypes. And if he comes to you someday and says he’d rather be your daughter, then love her too.

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Dear Soup Cans, 

I have two great kids: a son in the fourth grade, and a daughter set to go to high school this year. My daughter has always suffered from some bullies at school (she’s a wonderfully creative kid, but doesn’t make friends very easily), but recently, the bullying has gotten worse, as she’s been wearing more masculine clothes and cut her hair short. When I asked her about these changes, she told me that she’s beginning to question her gender, and think she might identify as a male, but isn’t sure yet. I’m afraid I don’t know anything at all about gender identity – how can I best support her through this time in her life? And how do I explain this to my son, when I know next to nothing about the issue myself?

Hey, Honey! (I don’t have a signature for you, so I’ve randomly picked a nickname off of a website of nicknames. You lucked out: Sugarpop and my little Beanie Baby were both on there, and I feel that might be a little awkward for all of us.)

Thank you for writing in, and thank you for being ready to be there for what your child is going through.

Gender is a big, messy thing that doesn’t fit neatly into boxes. Your older child is testing the limits of what they know for now, trying to find an identity that fits themselves. That might take some time: let them try things out. Through every step of this self-discovery journey, be supportive and offer an open ear. It might not be an easy road, but it is a journey that is worth taking.

As for talking to your younger son, GenderJabber (https://www.genderjabber.org/resources) has some great suggestions about talking to kids about gender! As a family, you could watch films with transgender characters (I’m unsure of what sort of films and TV your family enjoys, so I’m not quite comfortable issuing recommendations) and talk about it as a family. Kids are remarkably flexible and accepting; I have no reason to believe your younger child will have a hard time loving their older sibling through anything and everything that comes your way.

For right now, continue loving your kids and helping them make discoveries for themselves. Do some research on binders (if your older child chooses to use one) and how to safely bind; look into your insurance policies on therapy and consider finding a therapist who specializes in gender identity for your older child to talk to. PFLAG has some excellent resources for families! Reach out to the trans and genderqueer communities. Most people are excited to help families integrate into the community and find useful resources in their area.

And most of all, know this: your child loves you and wants your love in return. Love them, support them, and respect their blossoming identities. They’re still your child, and while this is a journey they’ll have to undergo, it’s not a journey they’ll have to go alone.

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That’s all for this week! We’ll see you next time.

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This post was written as part of a nonfiction class at George Mason University and was initially posted as a page on bittyknittygritty.wordpress.com.

Project Thoughts (Consciousness)

For me, yarncraft isn’t entirely a conscious act. I mean, I think about it, it’s not like I blink and there’s suddenly a scarf in my hands. But when I’m knitting, I’m not thinking knit knit purl slip knit slip back knit knit as I work. I’m watching a TV show, or listening to a podcast. I go back and count to make sure I’m where I need to be. My mind is so often elsewhere while I work on it.

I try to think good things when I’m working on a baby project. A baby blanket is going to wrap around a child, and if I’ve knotted bad thoughts into the very workings of the project, in my mind that’s like wrapping the child in ill wishes. It’s asking for bad luck when a child’s skull isn’t even solidified yet. That feels too much like tempting fate.

I also try to be in good company when I work. Yarncraft has never been a solitary profession: in the beginning, shepherds spun and knitted as they tended their flocks, usually in small groups of three and four. Later, when yarncraft became women’s work, it was what you worked on in the evenings around the hearth, what you did between quilting bees, what you did when you had a moment of downtime in a life filled with people. Yarncraft patterns are passed through generations, resulting in brilliant variations and local laces, cables, and bobbles. I learned to knit from first my grandmother and then from my older sister. I didn’t learn in isolation; I learned with another’s needles steadily clicking beside me.

Now, the most common time for me to work on a project is during movie nights. I sit on the couch at my best friends’ house, and I have my yarn bag on my lap. We watch a TV show (we’re working through Babylon 5 at the moment, though in the past it’s been documentaries, John Oliver, and Star Trek: Next Generation) and talk politics and life. More often than not, one of his roommates joins us. Ellen will crochet; Annaleigh will write; Sarah will fold origami cranes; Langdon will tap something out on his laptop; Liz will fold laundry. It’s something we do with our hands while we talk and we watch, and it’s become as integral a part of my conscious being as anything else I do.

I don’t think about what we’re watching when I work, usually. I watch, and I talk, and cloth grows from my fingertips, folding up in my lap. But I hope that that sense of community goes to the child the blanket will attend; I hope that child sleeps under that blanket surrounded by the laughter of friends, who talk earnestly and joyfully, and who are content to be with each other.

Is that silly? I don’t know if I believe anything else retains the memory of when it’s made. I know my mom claims a dinner made in a bad mood will always come out burnt. Is that the same as a baby blanket, which takes weeks, months to do, rather than hours? What counts as a bad thought? What counts as negative energy?

I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to put that much thought into it. I just know that when I’m working on something, I don’t feel right if I try in a bad mood. That’s what Candy Crush is for.

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This is part of a series on yarncraft written for a nonfiction class at George Mason University. It's being crossposted here for archival reasons.

Original publish date: 27 September 2017, on bittyknittygritty.wordpress.com

Autobiography as Haiku

Today feels like a Monday. I’m late, undercaffienated, and covered in cat hair.

There’s sun in my teacup. I wait for it to set, and drink it cold.

The monkey on my keychain laughs as he swings from the ignition, waiting for pickup – for test results – for errands – vaccines – passports – brother’s lunch – for mother’s health – for the engine to stop rattling – for

Deployment.

For departure.

For voyage. For education. For purpose. For peace.

For the Corps.

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This post was written as part of a nonfiction class at George Mason University and was initially posted as a page on bittyknittygritty.wordpress.com

Project Thoughts (Material)

There are a lot of things I think about when I start a project.

I tend to work in cheap acrylic yarns from big box stores, which some of the more purist crafters find abhorrent. I like metal needles rather than bamboo; I count rows on a notepad instead of a fancy clicker. My patterns are sketched out in margins on scrap paper, working off of things I already know how to make. I’m about as much of a purist as I am a wheel of cheese, which is to say I’m not much of either at all.

I have no real preference between my yarncrafts. Right now I crochet a lot, because the patterns are simple and easy, and work up quickly. I do fine lacework in knitting, which requires more concentration, but that’s only because I’ve knitted for longer and have more confidence in my skills. I do have hand-dyed and hand-spun laceweight yarn for those delicate projects, but for a baby blanket? Cheap acrylic yarn all the way.

Why? A couple of reasons. It’s sturdy yarn, not prone to breakage. It comes in bright colors, suitable for a nursery. Bernat Softee is easily found, and I can order it in bulk online or in bundles at AC Moore, and I know I’ll have consistent color and quality, and enough to finish a project of indeterminate size. Most importantly: acrylic yarn can be machine-washed. Have you ever spent an hour with an infant? It’ll take them ten minutes to pee, poop, and vomit all over your precious, delicate lacework, and I for one don’t want those germs to hang around in the fibers if you have to hand wash cold. Boil the thing, lay it flat to try, and you have a clean baby blanket. Acrylic will fuzz a little, but it won’t totally felt or shrink dramatically.

It’s a useful thing, acyrlic yarn. Maybe cotton is more natural, or wool better at keeping in warmth. Acyrlic, though–that’ll endure. I want my projects to be useful, my designs to be safe, the things I make lasting. My oldest niece still has the blanket I made her, eight years later. Her sister has hers as well; I can’t tell you how many washings they’ve been through, and they’re still soft and bright.

If I’m doing something decorative, something beautiful–my graduation shawl, for one–I’ll dip into softer wool and brighter cotton. That’s not something that has to hold up, that’s something whose sole purpose is to exist.

I don’t know if people think about why I chose the yarn I do. It’s not because it’s cheap, necessarily, though that is a college-student factor. It’s primarily because it’s more useful. That’s all I really want my projects to be, really: used, and useful.

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This is part of a series on yarncraft written for a nonfiction class at George Mason University. It's being crossposted here for archival reasons.

Original publish date: 19 September 2017, on bittyknittygritty.wordpress.com

pieces from a class (not made of glass, but hopefully to last)

Got a little carried away with the post title there, sorry about that.

So, I'm part of a class. That class is called Digital Creative Writing out of George Mason University, under Professor D. Taciuch. As part of this class, we make projects, and those projects are designed with the goal of understanding digital creation and publication. The unit we're working on right now is called Distribution and Attribution and focuses on putting our works out there and placing them under Creative Commons license.

That means I get to share some fun projects with you!

Here's a poem called What About The Light, put together under Twine. Click through to check it out!

What About the Light is under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.